Fabulously Insane

What I got to do at work today...

2009-04-20T22:58:00.003-04:00

Lady: I just called customer service and they just laughed at me!
Me: (Oh boy... this is going to be good.)
Lady: I'm being billed double for my drum kit! I normally have auto-pay and they take $33 from my credit card. This month they charged me $33 and then my capital one credit card says I owe a balance of $120. You are charging me double!
Me: Well, we don't have anything to do with your capital one credit card. We bill you each month, but we don't send you bills through capital one.
Lady: Yes you do! I only use my capital one card for your company, so it is you!
Me: Ma'am, we send you bills from us, but we don't send you any bills for your credit card. Let me see if I can figure this out for you. Are you renting or financing that drum kit?
Lady: They told me if I kept paying I would own the drum kit.
Me: (::blinks::) So, uh, is it for a school or is it a big drum set for your house?
Lady: No, it's for school.
Me: Ah, okay. So you're renting. Okay, I'm looking at your account now and it looks like you're all current. You don't owe us anything currently. If you chose to, however, you could pay us $84 right now and then you would own the drum kit. Would you like to do that?
Lady: But I already owe you $120! If I pay capital one that $120 then I will have paid off the $84 and I will own it. Okay. I'll do that.
Me: Well no, that's not really how that works. You see, you don't owe us anything, but if you chose to you could pay off the drum kit right now by paying us $84. The $120 is owed to your credit card company, not us.
Lady: So you're telling me I have to pay you $120 and THEN $84? That's double! I'm not paying double!
Me: Well no, it's not. What's happening is you are using your credit card from capital one to pay for the drum kit from us. But see, it's really that capital one is paying for the drum kit. They are billing you because you have to pay them back the money you borrowed from them.
Lady: But it says “_your company name_” on the credit card statement. It says I owe $120!
Me: Right. But that's the money you owe to capital one, not us. We have nothing to do with capital one. You borrow money from capital one to pay us, but then capital one needs you to pay them back for what you borrowed.
Lady: I know, I understand, but I'm still not paying double for that drum kit! I'm going to pay capital one the money and they will pay you for the drum kit and then I will own it.
Me: No, you need to pay us if you want to own the drum kit. Whatever you pay to capital one goes to capital one, not us.
Lady: So I have to pay you and then you're going to just charge me more money from capital one!?!?!?
Me: (JESUS FUCKING CHRIST) No, ma'am. You pay us with your credit card, but then you have to pay back the money that you borrowed from capital one.
Lady: (At this point she's yelling and crying simultaneously) I'm going to pay capital one the money and then they will pay you. I will take care of this myself! And I'm not shopping at your store anymore! (*click*)

Another day, more to say

2009-04-05T23:00:00.005-04:00

Someone new has come into my life recently.

I have grown quite fond of this person.

This person also makes me feel amazing...

...and happy; truly happy.

I just can't believe how effortless it is.

Amazing. <3

A few mixed things...

The puppy we were fostering went back to the kennel. He wasn't compatible with our other dogs and he was a lot to handle for my mom. Then, yesterday, my mom came home with a miniature black poodle puppy. He's adorable... tiny and featherlight, with no spine whatsoever so he's incredibly floppy. He's adorable... I can't wait to show pictures!

"Hard Candy" starring Ellen Page.... disturbing, but a great work of art. My parents agreed, surprisingly.

I guess that's all I have energy for, as I just woke up after dozing off at my computer.. yeah..

So what if we don't NEED another dog? PART II

2009-03-26T10:53:00.003-04:00

This morning I was greeted by a big, clumsy, affectionate puppy. :)

Yes... that means he's at my house now! We're going to foster him for awhile.

So far the other three dogs are taking it well. The pomeranian doesn't like new dogs coming here to live, but she's definitely not visibly upset or anything yet. Our long-haired chihuahua is excited, as we expected. She's always loved big dogs, which is quite hilarious to watch. She gets all giddy and spins around and tries to play with them, so I think we're in for a good time in that regard. And lastly, the papillon-poodle. He's the baby, so he's not been through this whole "new dog" thing yet. He's pretty upset, and is clinging to whoever is farthest away from the new dog. He also keeps crying whenever the puppy comes near him, but that's not surprising, as we've always called him the "Drama King".

So, this was a pleasant surprise this morning, and I'm crossing my fingers we can keep him eventually. :) ...../' <--- Haha.. The puppy just smacked the keyboard in an attempt to sit on my lap. What a cutie. Anyway, since I'm talking about animals, I'll stick with the theme....

So what if we don't NEED another dog?

2009-03-21T22:16:00.004-04:00

by Me

What does it mean to be yourself?
Who am I?
Am I a happy person?
Sometimes

But sometimes I am not

Sometimes I cry
or get angry
Sometimes I am scared

I don't always know what I am scared of

Am I myself when I don't understand my own emotions?

Sometimes I cry so hard it hurts
Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry
Sometimes I do both at the same time

I often think about feelings
That doesn't mean I understand them
But I try to

Feelings can be so overwhelming

One day, it can all be so clear
Then the next...
Something changes
and I'm lost

How am I supposed to know who I am
when I can't understand my own emotions?

Emotions do not define a person
but a person needs to know the reasons
for feeling the way they do

I do not know who I am.

--:--

Other news

My family and I visited a pet adoption center today. We met with this adorable little guy. He's a Pointer/Beagle Mix and he's under a year old. He was so incredibly sweet and kept jumping up to give us hugs. He still has the adorable puppy run and the extra-large paws... I'm in love. We met with the kennel owner and we're going to find out on Monday whether or not he will be able to stay with us for a trial period. We already have 3 babies at home... a Pomeranian, a Long-Haired Chihuahua, and a Papillon/Poodle Mix, so we are all a little concerned about how well this guy will handle such little dogs. Fingers crossed though; I want him to come home with us. :)

Oh and just because...

Well, I suck at blogging

2009-03-04T00:41:00.007-05:00

I'm not very good at updating my blog on a regular basis, apparently. I will try to work on that, as I feel there is no point to having a blog in the first place if one does not update it regularly. ::grin::

Alright, onto some updates.

1. My birthday was this past weekend. It was a tad bit depressing, but I will share the good details... I got two new (well, antique really) rings. I am very excited about this. I have a pretty big obsession with collecting antique jewelry -- primarily rings -- so I was excited when my mother saw one of the rings I was eying but wasn't about to spend that amount of money on....
Pictures!!!

This one I bought for myself. It's a rather large blue topaz stone set in sterling silver. I love it. I love how bright and shiny and huge it is... gawd... I'm such a girl.

This one is a bit harder to see, and the photo certainly doesn't do the ring justice. This one my mom bought for me. It's a white gold ring with diamonds and white gold filigree. It has a very intricate pattern to it and is so beautiful to look at. I absolutely love this ring. If I can get a better picture of it later, I will post it.

Over the weekend, I discovered an amazing new place to display my artwork and experiment with new techniques. There is this website called "ratemydrawings" and it's great because you can draw on the site's own photoshop-esque program and then... (this is the best part)... you can watch your drawings played back to you. You can navigate through the site and see other artists' work and you can watch how they did it and then rate their work. It's a wonderful concept, and I will be spending a lot of time there from now on.

Oh... and just because... here are my cousins and I... making asses out of ourselves (a few years ago). Enjoy! :)

**The top picture in this post is one I made a year or so ago. You can see more on my Deviantart profile HERE.

Bipolar Art

2009-02-24T02:52:00.004-05:00

*The artwork above is a Bipolar piece of mine. It was done during a severe manic episode a week or so ago, and it reflects the sporadic behavior I've been accustomed to lately.

Falling Away With You...

2009-02-19T02:12:00.004-05:00

The girl in the red dress is my latest work. I'm trying out a rougher style, less polished and perfect, much like my own style lately.

I found out a few things about my relationship with Ryan today...

1. The truth comes out eventually... you just have to be patient while waiting for it.
2. Sometimes things that should make you happy, instead, make you very sad.
3. I guess I'm a little late... and that really sucks.

On another note, I discovered an amazing database of graphic design stuff... and it's just fantastic. You must check it out if you enjoy, at all, new trends in graphic arts.
http://xatal.com/internet/the-top-35-web-design-galleries-on-the-internet/

and... last but not least...

Try not to smile while watching this video. Go ahead, try. Yeah, you fail.

Kingsford Goes to the Beach - The most popular videos are here

'Til next time, folks.

The Pendulum

2009-02-09T22:16:00.005-05:00

The Pendulum

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Celie. Celie was a cheerful child who enjoyed the company of her friends and family, and enjoyed having a happy life. She would always call her friends on the phone, spend time with them on weekends, and she loved having them in her life. Celie also loved her family very much and would always make sure to keep in close contact with them. She believed in a close-knit family and always wanted to know how everyone was doing, especially since she lived far away from most of them. Celie was always known as a happy person, a kind and caring girl with lots of positive energy to share with all of the people she regularly interacted with. Celie was a ray of sunshine in the dark, cruel world.

As she got older, Celie started to change. She slowly started falling away from all of the people she was close to. She called them less, visited them much less often, and even pushed some of them away deliberately. She did not recognize the change in herself until after she realized many months had gone by since she had last spoken to the closest of her friends and family. Once Celie realized that she was no longer part of their lives, she was too ashamed, too devastated to even make an attempt at mending those relationships.

Celie was alone, except for one relationship... her relationship with Jynx.

Jynx had once loved Celie. He cared for her, made her the center of his world, at least for awhile. Suddenly, Jynx wasn't around as much. He spent a lot more time with his other friends, and he would leave Celie alone in the middle of the night; alone to cry while he had a great time.

"There goes another relationship," thought Celie.

Instead of mending the broken relationships, Celie looked elsewhere for replacements. She thought that perhaps since she was not deserving of forgiveness from those she abandoned, that she would just need to find new friends to take their places. Celie was very lonely and was desperate for something to fill that new void in her life.

Celie lost control of herself quite frequently.

First, she let the world know that she needed a friend. She didn't care that she already had Jynx.

She wanted more than that.

Celie was not able to recognize that her reasons for making these new "friends" were all the wrong ones. Like a millionaire opening his vault for all the world to dig into, Celie opened herself up to the world for whatever the world wanted. Unfortunately, the world is full of very bad people.

First, Celie met Eli. Eli seemed to be a sort of Prince Charming, at first. He was polite, intelligent... a very upstanding gentleman, she thought. Eli told Celie that he wanted to know all about her; she willingly agreed. When Eli looked Celie in the eyes for the very first time, his eyes burned her like fire. Celie's body felt like it had gone up in flames. Eli was not a Prince Charming after all. In fact, he was just the opposite. He wanted Celie to cry, he wanted her to burn, he wanted her to know that she was inadequate, imperfect, not good enough... especially for him.

Celie was heartbroken.

Celie decided it was time to look elsewhere for friends. She thought that maybe she had set her sights too high... that perhaps Eli was right... she was not good enough for his level.

Nolan was very interested in meeting Celie. He thought she was beautiful, and he made certain she knew that. Nolan got a little over-anxious around Celie, however, and it bothered her that he was so easily amused. Despite her loneliness, despite how desperate she was, Celie didn't like it when someone thought more highly of her than she thought of herself. Nolan thought too highly of Celie, wanted more from her than she was willing or ready to give. When Celie tried to walk away from Nolan, he objected.

Nolan was a villain, too.

He followed her around, begged her to change her mind. Celie was scared, so she hid away for a long while. It seemed to work out very well, as she didn't hear from him for a long time, but then one day, he found her. Nolan was very disappointed with Celie and that she ran away from him. He felt that they belonged together and that she should stop hiding. Celie told him that if he didn't stop chasing her, she would cause him great harm. That was when Nolan finally slipped away, leaving Celie alone.

Then Celie met Wes. Wes was very kind and affectionate, a wonderful friend. Celie and Wes talked for hours each day, getting to know each other very well. Celie thought that she had met a perfect friend. Then one day, Wes told Celie that she had to make a choice. He told her that if she didn't surrender herself to him completely, he would not give her what she wanted most - his companionship. Celie loved being someone's friend, but she also did not like being controlled. In desperation, Celie lied. Wes gave her his companionship, only for a short while, until Celie abandoned him just like she abandoned everyone else.

The Elders were Celie's guardians. They tried their very best to keep a close eye on Celie, but she was mischeivous and deceitful, she lied to them too.

The Elders were very displeased when they found out that Celie was giving herself out to the world. They believed in truth and honesty, in self-respect. The Elders believed that Celie was hurting herself by giving herself away. They thought she deserved much better, that she was destroying herself with her rash actions.

Terrified of what the Elders were going to say to her, Celie ran away.

Jynx was there to rescue her, but for all the wrong reasons. Jynx liked to make Celie feel bad about herself. To him, it was a game. Celie was blind, though, especially to Jynx's real intentions.

Celie thought she loved him.

That's when she told him that she wanted to give her very soul to him, and she wanted his in return. He agreed, and Celie thought that it was true love. Little did Celie know, Jynx only wanted to see her cry. He knew that if he agreed to what she wanted, he could easily turn around and change his mind. Jynx looked forward to what pain he was about to cause little Celie.

Jynx betrayed Celie.

He told the Elders where she was, and let them come and find her. The Elders took Celie to a big building, where lots of different people go when they are sad.

Celie was lost.

Big, scary people invaded her brain, invaded her thoughts... made her tell them the truth. Eventually Celie was starting to feel a little bit better, a little less lonely. On the night before Celie was to be released from the big building, she recieved a phone call from Jynx.

Jynx wanted to hurt Celie.

He called her to tell her that he didn't want to be her friend anymore, that he found a new friend named Ren who was going to take her place.

Celie had to pretend like she wasn't sad so the big, scary people would let her go home.

Celie was very good at lying.

It was time for Celie to go home, and she was anxious to get back to her life. She was still very sad about how all of her friends were gone, especially since Jynx had jumped ship as well. She tried to occupy herself with artwork, music, games. Nothing worked perfectly, but she never gave up.

Celie's life changed one day.

A very unexpected gift was given to Celie. It was bright and shiny, beautiful, but at the same time, it was also as black as Jynx's heart. Celie felt sad, scared... excited? Celie was equally as happy about the gift as she was terrified.

The Elders were not pleased.

They wanted Celie to give her gift back, for fear that it would only be a distraction during her recovery process. They feared that the gift would ultimately destroy her.

Celie knew that the Elders were right, but instead of deciding right away, she called Jynx for some help. Jynx knew that since he once loved Celie, and she once loved him, that he too was obligated to decide what to do with the gift. Jynx didn't want the gift around... he wanted Celie to throw it away.

Celie was very protective of her gift, and didn't think she was able to just throw it away like that. The more she thought about it, however, the more she realized that it was going to hurt her in the end.

The Elders helped Celie throw away the gift, but were very unhappy with Celie for taking so long to decide, so they asked her to leave.

Jynx let Celie stay with him for awhile, but he still left her alone most of the time. He didn't truly care about Celie, and didn't care how much he hurt her, as long as he got to be close to her from time to time.

Celie travelled to other worlds when she was alone.

In one of the other worlds, she met a wonderful new friend. His name was Gio. Gio was very perceptive. He knew right away that Celie was broken and needed to be fixed. He showed her all of the beautiful places in his world, showed her how to fly. Hand-in-hand, Celie and Gio flew over the world. He knew her so well in such a short time that Celie barely had to share her feelings anymore.

Gio made Celie smile for the first time in years.

It was Gio who showed Celie that Jynx was a villain. Gio gently carried Celie back to her Elders, tucked her back into her bed. Gio restored the peace in Celie's world.

Celie was caught by surprise when an old friend, Orion, stepped out of the shadows. Celie had always known Orion to be a nice person, someone she very much admired, but she never thought herself to be good enough for his friendship. Orion looked into Celie's eyes in a way that no one else ever had before. He knew about her secret pain, her secret pleasures... he knew her before she could even speak a word to him about herself.

Orion cast a magic spell on Celie, made her feel beautiful, special... made her feel like she belonged in the world. The spell was so strong that Celie let Orion into her life while simultaneously pushing Gio out of it. Gio did not deserve the pain and the abandonment, but Celie knew in her heart that he would be better off with someone more like himself -- a much better person than Celie would ever be.

Orion and Celie were both very sad...

...but it was their companionship that made them happy. When Celie was sad, Orion would cradle her and make the pain go away. When Orion was sad, Celie would hold his face in her hands and kiss his forehead to stop his tears from falling.

Celie and Orion understood each other.

Years went by and their love grew. Celie and Orion were inseparable. They argued often, but only because they were so in-tune with each other's feelings that it sometimes got the best of them.

Celie seemed to be doing much better... for awhile.

Then, the feelings started rushing back to her... the pain, the confusion, the intense and overwhelming sadness. Celie could not identify where the feelings were coming from, nor did she know how to make them go away.

Celie couldn't sleep sometimes. She would stay up until sunrise, doing nothing important, instead of getting the sleep she knew she needed. She would go out often, spending money on things that she did not need. She got very upset when Orion didn't pay attention to her at the exact moments she wanted him to. She confused people she talked to, speaking too quickly for them to understand what she was talking about. Celie was falling apart.

Sometimes Celie would cry for days. She would be so upset that she could barely breathe.

Sometimes Celie's mind would race. She would feel like her mind was moving at 200 miles a minute, so quickly that she couldn't even understand what she was thinking. Her chest would feel fluttery, tingly... and she would feel as if she could run all the way around the world - twice. She felt wonderful... euphoric, even. She would create beautiful artwork, play beautiful music, and she felt as if she knew all the secrets of the universe.

And then, sometimes, she would crash again.

Laying in her bed at night, Celie would clench her fists and wrap her arms tightly around her chest, staring up at the ceiling. It was in her bed that Celie would let all of her emotions out.

The pain was so intense that Celie thought that she was dying.

Inside her, a little monster was trying to tear its way out, clawing at her heart, her chest... pounding on the walls of her skull. Celie wanted more than anything to make the pain stop. She wanted to reach inside herself and snatch the monster out.

Celie knew that once the monster was free, she wouldn't hurt anymore.

But the monster was quick. He took over her whole body, making Celie helpless. She could no longer control her appetite, her actions, her words, her emotions, her appearance. Celie was no longer in control of herself or her life... the monster had taken over everything within her.

Celie was scared.

She confided in her Elders, knowing that they would understand. She also confided in Orion, knowing that he too would try and help her get rid of the monster.

Unfortunately, to this day, Celie's monster is still slowly eating her alive.

Hopefully, someday, she will find a way to scare the monster away forever.

I promised I would never do this...

2009-02-03T01:26:00.001-05:00

"Now touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips...
And we can have forever
And we can love forever"

Sometimes life can throw you a curveball. There are moments when you think you completely understand yourself, understand your life, and then without warning everything becomes unclear.

And then it happens...

You were right the first time and things you once hesitated about you suddenly can't keep away from. It is love that makes life a complex puzzle, with twists and turns and dead ends. It is love that wakes you up from the darkest of nightmares. It is love that can lift you from your sorrows. It is love that keeps me breathing.

I can't believe I ever doubted, ever questioned, our fate together. It is inevitable... we are meant to be together, and together we will be.

Te amo, Ryan.

I can't help but find these amusing

2009-02-03T00:19:00.002-05:00

NPH, baby... NP-fuckin-H

2009-02-01T20:37:00.003-05:00

Neil Patrick Harris is so cool.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a doctor so badly because of this guy. I watched Doogie Howser religiously, mostly because I was pretty much in love with him. It was such an addiction that my parents started using the show as a way of explaining lengths of time to me. Whenever we would go on trips or longer-than-usual drives, and I would nag like any other child, "When will we get there?", they would say, "In two Doogies," or however many was appropriate. A "Doogie" meant a half-hour, and so I would sit there, thinking myself through an episode that I remembered well, in order to pass the time.

I know, I know... why would anyone bother sharing this story? Honestly, I don't know... :-)

But in any case, this video made me laugh my ass off the other night. I was stumbling around and came across it, and wondered how I didn't see it sooner. If you were a Doogie fan or just love the great NPH, you must see this. It is very much a parody of him, but it's done so well and it's hilarious.

Enjoy!

Oh my

2009-01-29T02:00:00.004-05:00

"They were taking pictures like every other fan – they were really cool and appreciative of me being there. I really liked that."

-Miley Cyrus, when asked how it was performing for the Obama girls.

Jesus. When is this girl going to realize that the world does not revolve around her? I mean, she met the PRESIDENT'S KIDS and she thinks THEY were privileged to have met HER? Rigggghhht.

Why do I love Benny Benassi so fucking much?

2009-01-27T22:28:00.002-05:00

Oh yeah... THIS is why.

The man is a genius. He creates some really awesome music, makes artistic music videos, and my favorite part... it's all so sexy. I love it so much. Guys, girls, whoever... admit it... this shit is HOT.

One weekend in MoCo

2009-01-27T01:40:00.013-05:00

I had an extraordinary weekend. I got to visit for several days with someone very dear to me, my wonderful boyfriend Ryan, and we gallivanted all over the place in search of exotic food, art, and architecture. I hadn't exactly forgotten how much I love the city, but it was surprisingly fun and exciting to wander around D.C. again, as I haven't in a very long time.

First, we visited the renovation site of an amazing estate in Georgetown. It's on a large plot of land in the middle of downtown Georgetown, surrounded by a brick wall with wrought iron gates, and is shaded by tall trees and shrubbery. The house is very stately, with large windows, balconies, a tennis court, carriage house, and many levels filled with rooms that still have the remnants of gorgeous antique floral wallpapers. The house has been torn apart and is in the middle of a multi-year renovation process, which my boyfriend is actively helping in. The ceilings are being reinforced, walls rebuilt, and modern electricity and plumbing installed. I'm not sure that I will be able to, but I'm hoping I will be able to visit again when the project is complete. If I could choose a home to live in, this house would be it.

Our next stop was to this FANTASTIC Korean restaurant in downtown Georgetown, which unfortunately, the name I cannot remember. I had my first hot sake, which was apparently a very high end brand... it was amazing! Sake is always very interesting, I am told, but this particular type was very complex, rich in flavor, and had a really nice earthy aftertaste. I would love to get my hands on a bottle of it. For dinner, we had seaweed salad and then bulgogi bibimbap. This was my first experience with bibimbap, and I will be happily having it again.. hopefully soon. It's a simple dish, but the way the flavors mix is just out of this world. This particular type is made by cooking rice, then layering 9 different vegetables and bulgogi (korean barbecue beef) on top. When it is served, it is not mixed; the vegetables and meat are just laying on top in piles. You then add as much fish oil as you'd like and, if preferred, spicy sauce, and you mix it all together very well. When it is mixed, the heat of the rice blends the flavors of all the vegetables and meat together. It's a fabulous dish, and I am going to be learning to make it very soon. :-)

Next stop... the Hirshhorn. This place is my absolute favorite art gallery. It's always full of exciting and strange exhibits, and is constantly changing. I love the National Gallery of Art as well, but the Hirshhorn just has so much more charm.
Lucky for me... Ron Mueck's "Big Man" was still on display. I have been privileged enough to see this piece many times in the past, but it has been years since I have been to the Hirshhorn and I was sure he would have been moved by now. Apparently, I was mistaken.
Since I brought it up, however... let me introduce you folks to one of the most remarkable artists of today... Ron Mueck, a hyper-realist sculptor.

Final stop... bubble tea. :-) It had been awhile since I went out and got any, so we headed over to where the bubble tea place always was. The bad news is, the place that was once there, "Bubble Cafe" was gone, but... the good news is the new place, a family-run Vietnamese restaurant, also sells bubble tea. Honeydew.. mmmmmmm.

Then, Grand Mart for all of our exotic grocery needs.... Jelly shots ("Does Not Contain Konjak" heh.), wasabi peas, ginger root, chocolate cones, lychee jellies, and ritters.
Oh how I love Grand Mart. I really wish they'd put one near here, but this area is too white for that. :-p

Then on Sunday, we went to Next Dimensions and had the best meatloaf in the whole wide world. Seriously, people. This stuff is ridiculous. I think they put drugs in it because every time I've had it, it's just blown me away.

Y'know, I promised myself I would never talk about my day on this blog. Oh well...

"Wander", just because

2009-01-22T04:19:00.007-05:00

I recall one summer's night
Within the month of June
Flowers in mahogany hair
And smell of earth in bloom
Only such a melody
Comes without a sound
More than faintly heard by those
Who know what they have found
Now it's just a memory

Silently we wander
Into this void of consequence
My shade will always haunt her
But she will be my guiding light

Silently we wander
In search of truth and confidence
So many hopes were lost here
Along the way
From morning to night

Meet me by the wishing well
In cover of the moon
Whisper to me tenderly
That I will see you soon
Sing that song from long ago
So I remember you
Flowers in mahogany hair
And mellow days in June
Only for the memory

From ashes we were born
In silence we unite

Love will turn your world around and that world will last forever

2009-01-22T02:52:00.006-05:00

I had a pretty good day today. A lot of things are finally starting to make sense. Perhaps I was meant to make the decisions I did, so that we could overcome the problems they caused, and move forward with our lives together.

I hope this is the ending of the chapter that I do not wish to visit again... and the start of a new, happy chapter together. :-)
Loff ewe Ry-mayne.

On another note... Veet, I love you.

I search every corner, there's nowhere to hide...

2009-01-21T00:01:00.003-05:00

This is just such a powerful song. The melody is haunting and beautiful... the lyrics are deep and meaningful... I just love how it all fits together into this wonderful composition. Most of the time Lacuna Coil seems "same old, same old" to me, but "Within Me" stands out to me as being a wonderful piece of music. Don't be surprised if this brings you to tears....

Obama is President... and this is a Ninja Kitty

2009-01-20T23:59:00.002-05:00

Oh yes. This cat really is as cool as the title implies.

Run away, Run away, Run away and save your life

2009-01-20T01:51:00.010-05:00

This weekend was a nightmare.

I could have just kept my mouth shut, but alas... I did not. Instead I proceeded to plant the seed of mistrust and lies... and set the bridge on fire. I am very talented to be able to do all of that simultaneously.

This is an issue that will only grow with time. There is not a way to escape reality at this point. We love each other, but we are not meant for each other. I have been here, in these shoes, before... and at the time, it's easy to believe that it's not possible to move forward, but as history has shown me... it is.

I thought it was best not to hide from reality anymore, but apparently being honest was just another reason for our insecurities to take hold of the situation.

"Deep within me life's crawling and wasting my days. Another night gone and I know there will be another way. I'm leading myself to be free in this eternal goodbye."

So... what do I do next?

I thought I was a fool for no one, but ooh baby i'm a fool for you

2009-01-17T02:11:00.006-05:00

These guys right here just so happen to rock my world right now.

Song lyrics have always been kind of an obsession of mine. I always look to lyrics to illustrate how I'm feeling about my life or a situation I am in.

Just for fun... here are some of my all-time favorite song lyrics:

I thought I was a fool for no one, but ooh baby I'm a fool for you
- Supermassive Black Hole, Muse

No one's gonna take me alive. The time has come to make things right. You and I must fight for our rights. You and I must fight to survive
- Knights of Cydonia, Muse (Seriously now, who doesn't love Knights of Cydonia?)

In your eyes are my secrets that I've never shown you. In my heart I feel I've always known you. In your eyes there's a comfort that I never knew. You're what I've been waiting for; there's no one like you
- No One Like You, Sarah Brightman

I see you when it snows in crystals dancing down, from a sultry sky, when silence is pure and unbreakable. I can see you smiling in every frozen tear, I can hear you whisper "You and I". Little did we know that they were life itself, the days passing by. We both had our share in the sacrifice. Bless me with a kiss across the universe when day and night converge, and whisper my name til I fall asleep. Once upon a time we had something beautiful. Once upon a time I thought "You and I". Take me wherever the answer lingers in the sand. Show me the way as the story unfolds. Love is remote in this wailing winter wonderland. Show me the way to the temples of gold.
- Temples of Gold, Kamelot

And so many things I'd forgotten, in a world that we shared. And so many questions unanswered or was that part of your mystery? Strange how I find myself so often on a distant shore.
- And So Many Things, Sarah Brightman

I close my eyes only for a moment, and the moment's gone. All my dreams pass before my eyes in curiosity. Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind....
Don't hang on. Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky. It slips away, but all your money won't another minute buy. Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind.
- Dust in the Wind, Kansas

Now touch my tears with your lips, touch my world with your fingertips. And we can love forever, and we can love forever. Forever is our today. Who waits forever anyway?
- Who Wants to Live Forever?, Queen

Save all your prayers, I think we're lost today. There's no morning after, no one around to blame. We're too numb to feel, the downfall starts right here. Hold your breath and swim, swallowed by life's tears
- Dead End, In Flames

However far away, I will always love you. However long I stay, I will always love you. Whatever words I say, I will always love you. I will always love you.
- Love Song, 311

Can't close my eyes; I'm wide awake. Every hair on my body has got a thing for this place. Oh empty my heart. I've got to make room for this feeling; it's so much bigger than me. Weightless in love, unraveling. For all that's to come and all that's ever been. We're back to the board with every shade under the sun. Let's make it a good one. Oh I can't take it in.
- Can't Take it In, Imogen Heap

Merely the sound of your voice made me believe that you were her. Just like the river disturbs my inner peace. Once I believed I could find just a trace of her beloved soul. Once I believed she was all then she smothered my beliefs. One cold winter's night I may follow her voice to the river. Leave me for now and forever. Leave while you can. Somewhere in time I will find you and haunt you again, like the wind sweeps the earth. Somewhere in time when your virtues are left to defend, you fall in deep. I was a liar in every debate. I ruled the forces that fueled your hate. When the cold in my heart leaves it comes to an end and quietly I go to sleep. How could that first time recur when memories linger on and on. What made me think you were her? Helena is dead to all. Dead to all. Nothing can bring her to life, don't pretend I'll be loving you. Once I believed she was gone, I corrupted from within. Leave, leave me for now and forever. Leave while you can. Follow me into the night, like ice on a lake of tears, I'll take you through. Or leave me tonight, I've gone too far to begin all anew. Life fades in anew with someone like you.
-The Haunting, Kamelot

Mirror can you tell me how to stay forever young? Let me know the secret, I will hold my twisted tongue. Please protect my beauty, velvet skin so pure and white. Hear my name resounding like a hymn at dead of night. Once I struck a servant, she's a virgin free from sin. Drops of blood caressed me and refined my aging skin. Could this be the answer, uncorrupted carmine red? Voices keep resounding in my dazed bewildered head. Have I found myself eternity? Someone has heard my prayers! Now I'll become divine! Have I found myself divinity? I'm no longer a slave to the vicious hands of time...
- Elizabeth Pt.1 - Mirror Mirror, Kamelot (This song is awesome. It's based on the story of Elizabeth Bathory. Haven't heard of her? Wiki that because it's quite the tale, I'll tell you.)

I jumped in the river and what did I see? Black-eyed angels swam with me. A moon full of stars and astral cars. All the figures I used to see. All my lovers were there with me, all my past and futures. And we all went to heaven in a little row boat. And there was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt.
- Pyramid Song, Radiohead

Talk about the growing hunger, ask why with deep concern. Don't you think the human race is ceaselessly vain? But it hurts to be alive, my friend, in this silent tide we're driftwood passing by. Don't you wish you were a child again, just for a minute, just for a minute more? Hear the ticking of the clock, the sound of life itself. No one really wants to die to save the world. Tell me that you're torn asunder from how we fail to learn. Tell me as the earth goes under, where's your anger now?
- The Human Stain, Kamelot

Corrupt, you corrupt, bring corruption to all that you touch. Hold, you behold, and beholden for all that you've done. Spell, cast a spell, cast a spell on the country you run. And risk, you will risk, you will risk all their lives and their souls. And burn, you will burn, you will burn in hell for your sins. Our freedom's consuming itself. What we've become is contrary to what we want. Take a bow. Death, you bring death, you bring death and destruction to all that you touch. Pay, you must pay, you must pay for your crimes against the earth. Hex, feed the hex, feed the hex on the country you love. And beg, you will beg, you will beg for their lives and their souls. Burn, you will burn, you will burn in hell.
- Take a Bow, Muse (This is targeted at the world leaders. I love the message in this song)

Okay, it's fucking late and I have to work at 9 tomorrow. What the hell am I still doing up? Oh yeah... wasting time posting my favorite lyrics on my blog.

Oh, what an existence I lead... :-)

Ummm

2009-01-16T01:30:00.006-05:00

This girl lived across the street from me for several years and also went to my high school. This is some crazy shit.

She's changed a lot. A LOT. It's a good thing though. I mean, LOOK at her. She's GORGEOUS! Way to go, Mosha!!!!

You Know...

2009-01-16T00:48:00.006-05:00

This actually seems more like ME (minus the part about football) than any guy I've ever been with....

My Current Obsession

2009-01-16T00:15:00.001-05:00

Knight of Cydonia by Muse

Muse has become one of my favorite bands, and this song is one of the many reasons why. Enjoy :-)

My Daily Art Fix

2009-01-15T16:57:00.003-05:00

Thank you, DeviantArt, for providing me with an endless supply of beautiful art.

Oh and... see? This is why I need to put a flag on my page. I love the nudes, what can I say? :-p

Look how far we've come

2009-01-15T16:29:00.004-05:00

Comparing these pictures brings me to the happiest of tears. It's so wonderful to be part of this ever-changing world. Look at how far we've come.

Want to scan me?

2009-01-15T14:34:00.007-05:00

Some really awesome guy named Scott Blake made this site where you can enter in all of your information: sex, age, height, weight, etc.... and it creates a barcode that really scans! Now I'm going to be geeky and take this to the grocery store with me next time. I will even go so far as to use it in the self checkout line so when it causes an error (will it??) or charges me $243.52, it will be even more exciting.

Psh, who needs blogs when you can go cause trouble at the self checkout lines in Weis?

Just Because

2009-01-15T14:26:00.002-05:00

CollegeHumor.

Underwater Sculptures

2009-01-15T02:35:00.004-05:00

Jason de Caires of Mexico creates underwater sculptures that encourage the natural growth of algae, plants, and coral, to enhance the art.

I think this is beautiful and so creative. I love that he is putting his art out in the ocean and letting nature do what it wishes with his work. There is something special about letting nature be an artist too.

Full story is HERE

Stevie Ryan, will you marry me?

2009-01-15T01:47:00.002-05:00

This is the latest series from Stevie Ryan and her crew. It is HILARIOUS. I just wish they would post another episode soon. :)

Apparently Adolf Hitler lives in New Jersey

2009-01-14T22:44:00.003-05:00

View the Original MSNBC Article Here

What would you do if your neighbors' kids were named the following: Adolf Hitler, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell?

Yeah, I would probably alert the authorities as well.

Well, some crazy-ass parents in New Jersey apparently thought it was a good idea to name their kids those very names. This was all brought to the media's attention when it was little Adolf's birthday and the man at the bakery counter refused to write "Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler" on the kid's cake. Mommy and Daddy Psycho weren't so thrilled about this "discrimination"...

Now, without any further comment or reasoning from the state, the kids have been taken from their parents and are in the care of the state Division of Youth and Family Services.

This is some crazy shit. I hope the kids are alright and I hope that when they grow up, the apples will have fallen FAR from THAT tree.

Nightwish... How Do I Love Thee? Let me Count the Ways

2009-01-13T16:02:00.003-05:00

This is a kickass metal rendition of the title song from Phantom of the Opera.

I loathed the movie version of Phantom, I've greatly disliked most other recordings other than the original cast, and until now have not heard any decent rock recordings of any Phantom songs.

Well... this right here is amazing. Nightwish never ceases to impress me.

This is Fantastic

2009-01-13T15:46:00.003-05:00

I've been sick as a dog the past few days and have been pretty much living on orange juice and soup. So, while I was working yesterday I decided I needed to make a trip over to FiveBelow to pick up some more juice.

As I was paying, I saw the most fantastic things ever... a basketful of Obama-related buttons and magnets.

This is the image that was on most of them, and it pretty much made my day.

My brother has been bugging the hell out of my parents to let him skip a day of school to go to the Inauguration. Unfortunately we haven't heard whether or not we were granted tickets to the event. I swear, it's like some super celebrity is coming to town and everybody and their moms want to see.

I think it's great that so many people are so enthusiastic and supportive of such a wonderful change in our history. I too would like to attend the Inauguration, but unfortunately I have to work that day. Hopefully, I can figure something out.

In any case, I will certainly be checking the news left and right and watching any live footage there is to be found online. I am so excited to see Bush go and to see this new, wonderful person take his place. It's like a giant weight is about to be lifted from our nation's shoulders.

Some More Twilight Nonsense

2009-01-11T19:49:00.002-05:00

I've searched far and wide, but alas... I cannot find a decent Cullen wallpaper ANYWHERE.

Behold! I have created one.

This is Fucking Insane

2009-01-11T19:27:00.007-05:00

How do you think Obama feels about all this? I bet he is terrified...

He has to ride around in a car that has backup storage of his blood in it... "for emergency transfusions". That is some scary shit.

I'm scared for Barack and his family. There are far too many crazies out there who don't like him. I hope for the best, and I hope that this increase in security is overkill (no pun intended).

Oh Yes Yes Yes

2009-01-11T18:38:00.000-05:00

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... by Jack Black

Disappearances

2009-01-10T21:40:00.007-05:00

It is amazing how quickly things that were once at the forefront of your life can be swept away.

I once knew a very special girl. She was talented, beautiful, and compassionate... she was my best friend.

We first met in preschool, then reunited when I relocated to another school, Maxatawny, a few years later after my parents' divorce. She was one of my first friends at Max, and we were inseparable. As close as we were, we were rivals as well. Everything we did together was a competition. Together, we choreographed a dance routine for our talent show at school. We fought nearly the whole time, but still came up with the best routine of all the groups.

My mom fell in love again when I was finishing up 6th grade... I was secretly happy for her.

As 6th grade was coming to a close, I passed around a little notebook for all of my friends to sign. I wanted to remember everyone before I moved away to Hershey, Pennsylvania.

For awhile, I kept in touch with a few people... Jen, Sam, Ashley, Gina... but as the years went by, there was only one person left.... Jen.

Jen and I grew very close after I moved away. I talked to her all the time, we visited each other regularly, and we had a bond that was unbreakable. It's amazing how many life experiences we had in common. Most of the time when something dramatic was going on in one of our lives, the other would already know about it because it was happening to her as well.

As high school was ending, our friendship was dwindling.

We talked less, we saw each other less... days became weeks... weeks became months... months became years.

I haven't seen my best friend in years... not since she came to visit me during "the dark ages".

Here we are, 21 years old... ready to move forth with our lives... separate from each other.

What ever happened to my best friend? What is the reason for this dramatic change? Why do we only talk every few months?

I hate it. I love her. I miss her.

Just a Scribble

2009-01-10T20:49:00.006-05:00

This took me all of 5 minutes to draw. Sometimes I just doodle something and it really fancies me. This is definitely one of those cases. What I like most about this is the sexual nature of it. I've always been a very sexual person and when that shines through in my artwork.... well, it's very cool.

So I'm One of Those Twilight People...

2009-01-10T20:43:00.001-05:00

I had this crazy-ass dream last night. It was a combination of my latest obsessions and references to things going on in my personal life, as my dreams usually are.

The Shape-Shifters Dream

It was a beautiful place, but terrifying all the same. People of all ages and races were walking through the large open square, surrounded by a completely enclosed circle of brick wall. The wall was lined with windows, sans curtains, in a perfectly arranged grid. The windows and shelves in all of the rooms in the whole complex were covered with transparent sheets of plastic. It didn’t actually protect anything, as far as any of us could see, but we were not permitted to remove it. People never peered out the windows, lights never came on in the rooms; the only light was the sunlight that would fill up the square during the day. The sunlight would illuminate all of the greenery the authorities had placed all over the square. I suppose it was a way to distract us from the stark white concrete against the tall red brick walls, a way to distract us from the prison we were in.

Everyone avoided the authorities. They usually walked around in groups of two or three, expressionless and powerful, wearing all black suits. Whenever the authorities were around, it meant someone was going to die.

None of us knew how we ended up in the complex, nor did we know how long we had been there. Most people just kept on with their daily business, not questioning anything at all. A few of us, however, sort of formed a little society. We would privately discuss what our theories were.

A few people thought that the authorities were vampires, as they were seldom seen outdoors during the day. I immediately dismissed this theory because even though it was rare, they were actually seen outdoors from time to time and they didn’t seem to be affected at all by the sunlight. My theory was shared by two others – a thin, beautiful brunette girl named Emily and a tall, muscular russet-skinned man named Ben. We were convinced that the authorities were shape-shifters.

The Officer, as we called him, was new to the authorities. He had just begun working for them a few days prior and no one knew very much about him, other than the fact that he was more terrifying than any of the other authorities had ever been. He was taller than the rest, older in appearance, and had an orange tint to his skin that the others did not. He would come outdoors far more often than most of them, and would always be scanning the crowds of people with his strange, pale gray eyes.

“I think he is a harmonica,” Emily said one day while a few of us were sitting around discussing our theories, as per usual, “Remember the other day when a harmonica arrived in the mail and no one knew what it was for? Well, he was introduced to us right after that.”
“You’re right, Em,” I said, “it’s probably more than coincidence.”

While out in the courtyard later that day, I saw him. The Officer was walking toward me, his eyes looking straight into my soul. He was undoubtedly coming for me.

Before I could move, I was swept up off my feet by Ben, who was much larger than I. When he carried me, it was as if he was carrying a child. He ran with me over to a bed on the other side of the square. The bed was ridiculously huge, and I couldn’t have gotten up onto it myself had he not put me there. He then stayed at the edge of it, guarding me from the approaching danger. I encouraged him to lay with me, but he wouldn’t. I wanted to feel more safe, more guarded with him holding me close, but he wanted to be on-guard, standing next to the bed.

As The Officer approached, I realized what we had to do…

The plastic had to be removed from all of the windows and shelves in the complex. The shelves were especially important, as they housed all of the items that the shape-shifters turned from. I realized that once they were in their human forms, they didn’t need to turn back into their travel forms.

The Officer, for instance, came into the complex as a harmonica. He was possessing another body prior to that, I’m sure, but had chosen to come into the complex as a harmonica this time. Once he was changed into his new human form, it was safe to hide away the harmonica he started as.

I realized that if the items were released into the open air, the authorities would immediately turn back into what they started as and would therefore become harmless inanimate objects.

“Ben,” I started, “the plastic! We have to remove all the plastic!”

Immediately, he was running with me up the stairs, down the corridors, and into my room.
I was the first person to tear away the plastic. I first started with the shelves in the dark bedroom. I poked my finger through the plastic and tore it away, one shelf at a time. Even though I always knew what was beneath it, it was as if I was seeing it all for the first time. There were books and little artifacts, covered with a thin veil of dust. A porcelain doll was all that was in the middle shelf. Her face was as pale as ivory, and her eyes were piercing and dark in contrast. She was breathtakingly beautiful, but looked as if she might come alive and that terrified me. Once the shelves were uncovered, I moved to the window. By the time I had torn through all of the plastic, everyone had caught on. As I peered out my window, I saw everyone else in the square tearing away the plastic on theirs. We were finally free.

A few thoughts…

First and foremost, Ben is most definitely my dream’s version of Jacob from Twilight -- It could not be more obvious than that. Secondly, I feel as if this dream was illustrating how I feel trapped right now and how I am planning my escape. ‘Nuff said.

Something I Finished Last Night

2009-01-10T02:05:00.003-05:00

I really need to try a new style.

My whole portfolio pretty much consists of vectors, line art, and photo edits.

Perhaps it's time for a change...

Anyway here is my latest, inspired by Somefield. You can check out a piece by Somefield below...

My art is not much like Somefield's, however I love how Somefield likes to accentuate the curves of a woman, so I decided to try my own version of that.

I'm Going to Cheat...

2009-01-10T01:56:00.002-05:00

and post my most recent Myspace blog here as a start.

"THERE WAS NOTHING TO FEAR AND NOTHING TO DOUBT" 1.09.09

"I jumped in the river and what did I see?
Black-eyed angels swam with me
A moon full of stars and astral cars
All the figures I used to see
All my lovers were there with me
All my past and futures
And we all went to heaven in a little row boat
There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt"

A few thoughts....

- Is my mind playing games with me right now?

- I am not what you perceive me to be... whatever beauty you claim to see is unfortunately a figment of your imagination.

- I need to escape a certain aspect of my life, and I cannot bring myself to do so.

- I have a sort of love-hate relationship with the world. On one hand, I love that we're stepping into a whole new world, one with more tolerance, more compassion, more open diversity. On the other hand, we are witnessing two countries throwing bombs at each other like children fighting on the playground. With the amount of potential we have on this earth, why waste all that time, money, energy on such violent acts? I wish to gather with all the other people who truly believe in peace and establish our own planet elsewhere, away from all this craziness.

- Way to go, Richard Dawkins! Can I have your babies?

- To someone... "Save all your prayers, I think we're lost today. There's no morning after, no one's around to blame"

- LG15 Creators, I am no longer your friend.

- No, I will not be a Death Knight. I am sorry, but I won't jump on that bandwagon.

- Oh.. nor will I become a Shadow Priest. fuck.that.shit. I'm a healer <3

- Why are all the good ones always gone? le'sigh.

- Dear Twilight people, please release the DVD tomorrow. Please? No? Why not? Ok..... fine, but I think I might go crazy if you don't do it soon.

- I'm seeing the Puss & Boots style all over the place... Beet, I think you had something to do with that. Just possibly...

- It's spelled BORED, dammit, not board. Sorry, but I had to get that off my chest.

- Jennifer Swan, where are you? :-(

- I love my family. They are everything to me.

- Samfish... I'm sorry I'm such a terrible friend. I don't deserve you... not at all. <3

- "I like to have a martini, Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host."
Dorothy Parker <3

And to sum up exactly how I am feeling right now... ladies and gentlemen, I give you Lenka ---
"Trouble he will find you no matter where you go oh oh
No matter if you're fast, no matter if you're slow oh oh
The eye of the storm and the cry in the morn oh oh
You're fine for awhile then you start to lose control...
Trouble is a friend and trouble is a foe oh oh
And no matter what I feed him he always seems to grow oh oh
He sees what I see and he knows what I know oh oh
So don't forget as you ease on down the road...
He's there in the dark, he's there in my heart
He waits in the winds, he's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend yeah trouble is a friend of mine..."