What I got to do at work today...

Lady: I just called customer service and they just laughed at me!
Me: (Oh boy... this is going to be good.)
Lady: I'm being billed double for my drum kit! I normally have auto-pay and they take $33 from my credit card. This month they charged me $33 and then my capital one credit card says I owe a balance of $120. You are charging me double!
Me: Well, we don't have anything to do with your capital one credit card. We bill you each month, but we don't send you bills through capital one.
Lady: Yes you do! I only use my capital one card for your company, so it is you!
Me: Ma'am, we send you bills from us, but we don't send you any bills for your credit card. Let me see if I can figure this out for you. Are you renting or financing that drum kit?
Lady: They told me if I kept paying I would own the drum kit.
Me: (::blinks::) So, uh, is it for a school or is it a big drum set for your house?
Lady: No, it's for school.
Me: Ah, okay. So you're renting. Okay, I'm looking at your account now and it looks like you're all current. You don't owe us anything currently. If you chose to, however, you could pay us $84 right now and then you would own the drum kit. Would you like to do that?
Lady: But I already owe you $120! If I pay capital one that $120 then I will have paid off the $84 and I will own it. Okay. I'll do that.
Me: Well no, that's not really how that works. You see, you don't owe us anything, but if you chose to you could pay off the drum kit right now by paying us $84. The $120 is owed to your credit card company, not us.
Lady: So you're telling me I have to pay you $120 and THEN $84? That's double! I'm not paying double!
Me: Well no, it's not. What's happening is you are using your credit card from capital one to pay for the drum kit from us. But see, it's really that capital one is paying for the drum kit. They are billing you because you have to pay them back the money you borrowed from them.
Lady: But it says “_your company name_” on the credit card statement. It says I owe $120!
Me: Right. But that's the money you owe to capital one, not us. We have nothing to do with capital one. You borrow money from capital one to pay us, but then capital one needs you to pay them back for what you borrowed.
Lady: I know, I understand, but I'm still not paying double for that drum kit! I'm going to pay capital one the money and they will pay you for the drum kit and then I will own it.
Me: No, you need to pay us if you want to own the drum kit. Whatever you pay to capital one goes to capital one, not us.
Lady: So I have to pay you and then you're going to just charge me more money from capital one!?!?!?
Me: (JESUS FUCKING CHRIST) No, ma'am. You pay us with your credit card, but then you have to pay back the money that you borrowed from capital one.
Lady: (At this point she's yelling and crying simultaneously) I'm going to pay capital one the money and then they will pay you. I will take care of this myself! And I'm not shopping at your store anymore! (*click*)